Frustration. That's the one word that keeps coming up again and again lately. No matter how hard I try to keep things together, something always comes up and I can't accomplish what I want to do. Correction -- what I need to do. I can't help thinking that maybe it's really not meant to be. But I'm not giving up yet. She's not.
I'm talking about helping Love. She and I might have gotten off on the wrong foot, but...I just couldn't blame her for what she did. I know cannibalism isn't easily corrected, but I was willing to try my best to help this girl. I just know I can get through to her. Unfortunately, with recent events, I'm afraid I won't get that chance.
No matter what I do or even what I promise, I know Love is losing faith in me. That really bothers me, but what can I do? My family always comes first. Both Raph and Leo seemingly have crushes on girls, so unfortunately, me (and sometimes Mikey) are caught in the middle and we have to drop everything we're doing to accommodate whatever our other brothers want to do.
I'm really sick of it. I have my own agenda, and they don't seem to care. Leo said he supports me helping Love, but it still seems like it's not enough to leave me be long enough to help her. Mikey and I have got to find a better place for her to live, but will I ever get that chance to even look for a new location? I'm beginning to think the answer is "no".
I love my brothers, I really do. But, they need to understand that I have my own life outside of theirs. I'll always be there to help them, but when it comes to these girls, this is more on them than it should be on me. If they were really in trouble, of course, I would help out -- without hesitation. But right now, it seems like it's more a call for attention than actually needing help.
There was this deal with Mikko, though. She was in trouble, and we saved her. She's Raph's girl, that much I know. And she's not bad-looking, but she's not my type. I'm not even certain what my type would be just yet. I'm keeping my options open when seeking out "the one". If that ever happens. Love...? I just don't know about yet.
Raph throughout this whole thing has been extremely judgmental and unreasonable. But he's also right. I might be a fool for thinking I can help her, but at least I'm a fool who cares. Raph was so quick to want to off her after what happened between her and I. Granted, I was grateful he was there, but after that I could have certainly done without his insults to my intelligence. He just doesn't understand how important this is to me.
And Leo -- Leo said he cares and supports my decision to help her, but I'm not so sure that is the case. If he did, then why would he have us pulled away from my agenda for some family meeting that could have waited for another couple hours? Yeah...I'm thinking that's also a "no". It looks like I'll have to make my own time to do this, after all. Which might mean I'll have to sneak out without Leo's or Raph's knowledge.
As for Mikey, he's been great. He's been supportive, genuinely helpful, and an all-around a great companion for this task. I've been very grateful for his gung-ho attitude and Love seems to really like him, too. That's definitely a bonus. Another bonus is I haven't had as much trouble dragging him out of bed after I tell him what the plan is. That's almost unheard of for Mikey. I can tell he's in this one-hundred percent. Or at least a strong ninety-five, at least.
On that positive note, I'm ending this entry. I know things will settle down eventually, and Love can become front and center for my plans. Even better than that, I'll be able to keep those promises to her and get her the help she needs to get through this. This will just be a test of patience for everyone involved.
This is Donatello, signing out.
